Uh-oh.
Whoa!
Arr!
No!
Mm, scrambled pizza. Heh, my favorite.
Janitor Jim says the heat lamps make the scrambled pizza radioactive.
How gullible are you, girl?
That's an urban myth.
You're probably right.
You want real food, wait for the block party.
I'm making my Grandma Anastasia's goulash.
What's the big whoop about goulash?
When my grandma escaped from East Germany in the '50s...
...she had nothing but the clothes on her back...
...and her goulash recipe.
Really? Wow.
She survived by opening a little goulash café.
That's how she earned the money to travel to America.
Cool story.
I'm making my Great-Aunt Sylvia's bon gumbo.
Family legend has it the recipe was given to her...
...by a voodoo priestess under the full moon.
How about you, Brina? Got a cool family recipe for the block party?
Um, well, you know....
I'll bet Sabrina's making a nice, big loser loaf.
Ah, and here comes Gem...
...to make our dining experience that much more miserable.
My family's contribution to the block party will consist of free-range turkey...
...dill cornbread stuffing...
...roasted semi-husked corn, baby pearl onions, glazed yams....
...and mashed potatoes with a garlic reduction.
A Thanksgiving feast.
Most apropos since I can trace my family tree back to Plymouth Rock.
Ooh! Wow.
Spellman's family tree, of course, is rooted in the Greendale Zoo.
Specifically the monkey house.
Monkey house, I'm gonna show you.
Let's lower the mercury here.
Who cares about Gem Stone's family tree?
I'm gonna show Gem Stone.
Her family may have come over on the Mayflower...
...but my witch ancestors built Atlantis.
I'm gonna come up with the most incredible block party recipe ever.
Your ancestors really built Atlantis?
Uh-huh. Matter of fact, Salem was the architect.
But didn't Atlantis sink?
Don't ever bring that up.
He's kind of sensitive about it.
Hey, Sabrina. You're just in time.
We're making my famous bat-atouille.
Say, is that hard to make?
No.
The real secret is bat control.
Great. Maybe I could whip up a batch for the block party.
For the block party?
Sabrina, you can't cook witch food for mortals.
You should know better.
I know, I know.
It was just a crazy thought.
Here we go. Great-great-great-aunt Morgan's recipes.
So you're planning on cooking witch food...
...even though Hilda and Zelda specifically told you not to.
Salem, don't snitch on me.
Au contraire, prickly pear.
I'm proud of the initiative.
That's the kind of can-do spirit that got Atlantis built.
Let's see what old Morgan's got for us.
"Attila the Hun's buns. Wicked witch of the yeast."
Oh, this one looks interesting. Magical upside-down cake.
"A magnificent 19-tiered masterpiece...
...guaranteed to turn taste buds upside down.
This one brought the entire court of Camelot to its knees."
No big trick with all that heavy armor, but the cake sure looks yummy.
"If you've got yourself a frown, this cake will turn it upside down."
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
Salem, it's beautiful.
Good old Great-great-great-aunt Morgan just saved the block party. Come on.
Now, Salem, you can have a taste.
Just remember to share with everyone else.
Me? Of course I'll share.
I love to share.
The only thing I love more than cake is sharing cake.
And if anyone asks, I got the recipe from a magazine.
Ah, mon chéri...
...what's a lovely confection like you doing in a squalid kitchen like this?
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Mm. Tout sweet.
Uh-oh.
Suddenly, I feel like Elvis on a cheesecake bender.
Simply delicious.
I can't wait until the others get to try a piece.
I get so much pleasure putting the happiness of others before my own.
- Aah! - What happened?
Did someone hire a maid and not tell me?
Salem, have you been cleaning?
Gosh, yes.
It was a chore with no thumbs, but thank goodness for these two paws...
...and an unlimited supply of elbow grease.
I give up.
But just what are you looking for in return?
I always say a good deed is its own reward.
No. You always say, "Tell me where you hid the catnip...
...or I'll blackmail it out of you."
Oh, pshaw, you big silly.
What's your Ming doing in here?
Just donating some of my worldly possessions...
...to raise money for local charities.
Gotta give till it hurts.
It's like his personality has been turned upside down.
And it was on the first Thanksgiving...
...a member of the Stone family did say:
"Why not go all out and impress our new neighbors...
...with a bird big enough to fight Godzilla?"
Hey, uh, do you think they had doughnuts at the first Thanksgiving?
Yum, black-and-white cookies.
Yeah. They're yin-yang cookies.
They represent the opposite forces of the universe:
Day and night, man and woman, vanilla and chocolate.
Pretty intense, Pi.
So to my fellow students...
...I say, don't feel bad about yourselves...
...for not being able to compete with the Stones.
Just because we're better than you doesn't mean you're worthless.
Is it just me or is Gem pure evil?
No way. Nobody's pure evil.
Do you know what the ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao-tzu, says on the subject?
I think I'm about to find out.
Yeah. He says an evil person is just like a dirty window...
...that won't let the light shine through.
Sometimes all they need is a good person who's willing to do windows.
Oh, yeah? For Gem, you need a fire hose and a 3-foot squeegee.
Whoa. I can, like, really picture that.
-Hey, Sabrina. -Hi, Harvey.
I see you didn't hold back at the old Stone family feast.
What can I say? I got caught up in the legend.
So, what's the scoop on your cake?
Well, it's from my Great-great-great-great-aunt Morgan...
...who lived in ancient, uh, Holland...
...and she was the royal baker for a real famous king.
Uh, King Freddy.
King Freddy liked Aunt Morgan's upside-down cake so much...
...that when the peasants were revolting, he said, "Let them eat cake."
And then they all moved to Atlantis...
...and that's how the Russian revolution began.
How about that, everybody? An historical cake.
Harvey, is everything all right?
What's it to you, Smellman?
Ha, ha, big joke.
The joke is your cake.
That was the smelliest lump of crud in this whole stinkfest of a block party.
Harvey, how could you say something like that?
Oh, no.
"A magnificent 19-tiered masterpiece guaranteed to turn taste buds...
...and personalities upside down." Eep.
I don't have time to waste with you, little girl.
I've got places to be.
It's time to raise a little hardcore hoo-hah.
You've lost your mind.
I'm off to find me a real party.
Harvey, wait.
I've gotta get rid of that cake before--
--anybody eats it.
Excuse me. Sorry. Beg your pardon.
Janitor Jim says the cake is radioactive. Excuse me. Sorry.
Out of my way. I gotta go score some tickets to Spicy Backstreet Guys to Men.
Too late.
You're my broker. What do I pay you for?
I don't care how many points the Dow is down.
Just move those units.
Ugh, I can't stand incompetence.
Come on, chicas, let's hit the mall.
I know these really nectar guys that work at the Hot Dog Haberdashery.
Why am I eating cake, Bob?
It's bad for my figure.
Tell me about it, Mike.
Even worse than them nasty, greasy doughnuts.
Know what I'm really in the mood for, Bob?
A nice healthy salad?
You're reading my mind.
This is out of hand. I've gotta find Salem and....
Oh, no, the extra cake.
Aunt Zelda?
Can't talk now. Gotta run.
No, you can't go.
You're right. I can't go dressed like this.
I'll be the laughingstock of Nero's toga party.
-Nero? -I know what you're thinking.
Caesar has the reputation.
But let me tell you, once he started dating Cleopatra...
...he really stopped making the rounds.
Tell me she didn't go to Nero's toga party.
-She did. -Oh, dear.
I begged her not to. It's a treacherous place.
Hilda, I need your help.
It's an emergency.
I'll say it's an emergency. My sister is smack-dab in the middle...
...of the world's biggest den of debauchery and depravity.
-Hilda, you have to help. -I have to help rescue her...
...from the temptations of wanton decadence.
Pray for me.
Salem is my last hope.
-Salem. -Why the frown?
I always say you should put creases in your trousers, not your forehead.
Actually, you always say, "Tell me where Uncle Quigley hid the catnip...
...or I'll blackmail it out of you."
Gosh all hemlock.
This house is simply awash with kooky funsters.
Okay, the cat is officially useless.
You caught me right in the middle of uplifting letter day.
I'm writing cheery little letters of encouragement...
...to the actors of canceled TV shows.
They need love and support.
In closing, Mr. Danza...
...if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, mine's extra absorbent.
Sealed with a kiss.
Doom, thy name is Sabrina.
I suppose I deserved that.
Aren't you gonna use your magic...
...and fix this mess?
It's too big a mess.
I can't do it by myself.
Hold on. Who said that?
Gem?
You-- You know my secret?
Yep, and the only thing standing between this town...
...and certain doom is your magic, so let's get a move on.
We've got to save Greendale.
So how'd you figure out I'm really a witch, huh?
It wasn't hard. After I ate some of that magical cake...
...everything seemed to make perfect sense.
Heck, you don't even wear a disguise.
Even Clark Kent had a pair of glasses.
Fair enough.
Hey, think I may have something here that will reverse the spell.
"A magical decaf mochaccino latte guaranteed to wash away magical spells."
It's worth a shot.
Good thing it's decaf.
This town is gonna need a good night's sleep.
Okay.
A spell-reversing decaf non-fatty Whip up a batch of mochaccino latt-y
Come on, let's put it to the test.
Boy, this letter-writing is tougher on the tongue...
...than it is on the paw.
You need a little latte to refresh your mouth.
Don't mind if I do.
What am I doing here? Why does my tongue hurt?
Where'd Quigley hide my stinking catnip?
I'm not allowed to tell you.
You'd better or I'll blackmail it out of you.
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
Hey. Ow!
Let go, woman. You're crunching my coif.
It's not enough that you go to the seediest city in the world?
You just had to buy a souvenir.
"Rome burned and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"?
Please.
It was either this or a "Nero fiddled while Rome burned...
...and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
Sounds like you two could use some lattes to calm your nerves.
I'll say.
Nice move.
Thanks.
Hey. Cute toga.
Let's get a move on. We'll split up so we can cover more ground. See you.
All right, boys, stretch and reach, and stretch and reach.
Hold it, boys. If you're gonna do aerobics...
...you're gonna need a boost of energy.
Oh, we can't drink coffee.
It's bad for you.
Uh, this isn't coffee.
It's concentrated broccoli juice, very good for you.
And it tastes awful.
Hey, who's up for doughnuts and maybe a big brick of lard?
-Me. -Yeah, good idea.
Yeah. I love lard. Yeah.
Hey, Murdoch, you're out of uniform.
Oh, check it out.
I'm holding this thing here and I don't know what it is.
Much better.
Okay, all you kids, line up so I can take your lunch money.
Chop-chop.
At this rate, we'll have the town back to normal in no time.
Uh-oh, this looks like trouble.
It's Harvey. Let's go.
This is all my fault. If something happens to Harvey...
...I'll never forgive myself.
Come on. Let's climb. There's no time to waste.
No, it's too dangerous for you.
I have to take responsibility.
Wait here.
Hey, suckers.
You look like ants from up here.
What are you doing here, Smellman?
I just thought you might need a little refreshment.
Try to find a pizza place with that kind of delivery service.
I'll pass on the latte, but I do need to thank you for your crummy cake.
Not quite the compliment I was looking for.
Oh, it's not a compliment.
That was the worst cake I ever had, but it did something to me.
It did?
I used to be Mr. Nice Guy, always doing what was right...
...and never what was fun.
After one bite of your cake, I'm a new man.
But, Harvey, that's not what was supposed to happen.
That's too bad, because I like it, and I think everyone else will enjoy it too.
What are you doing with that cake?
I'm gonna drop it into the water supply so everyone will be just like me.
No. Don't do it.
Here, take this.
Back off, Sabrina. I mean business.
At the count of three, everyone in Greendale is going upside down.
One, two--
- Three. One ice latte coming at you. - Hey.
Um, um.
Bouncing ball and jumping bean I need a floating trampoline
Score.
Wha--? What happened?
And why am I hanging on the water tower?
Oh, I'm scared of heights.
Harvey, you're actually home sleeping. This is a dream.
Oh, cool.
Gem, you saved the day.
You were pretty slick yourself with the spell action.
You were busting rhymes like Wyclef.
I'm just glad everything's back to normal.
Hmm, no, Sabrina, not everything.
You've got to change me back to my old self.
But I like the new you.
You're my friend like this.
Don't you think I like having a real friend?
But this isn't who I am.
I can't live a lie.
I'm really gonna miss you.
No, you won't.
The good Gem is somewhere deep inside the real Gem.
Nobody's all bad.
Sometimes we just have to try a little harder...
...to find the good in some people than others.
It's like Pi was saying.
"Everybody's good inside, except some people have dirty windows."
Or was it, "Good people open their windows more than evil people?"
Something like that.
What are we doing with our lives?
We scour around eating garbage hiding from the light.
After nuclear war, roaches are the ones that will still be here.
Oh, by the way, I'll let you in on a secret.
My family didn't really come over on the Mayflower.
That's a lie my father started to make my family seem special.
That's funny. I had to make up a lie because my family was too special.
I'll miss you.
And, hey, I apologize for anything I say after I turn back.
Apology accepted, friend.
What am I doing hanging out under the water tower...
...with Sabrina Spellman?
I must be going crazy.
Hey, Spellman.
I've been thinking about the other day when I called you a loser.
I just wanted to say I'm....
I'm sorry.
Apology accepted, friend.
What am I doing?
I'm sharing a Party of Five moment with Sabrina Spellman.
I need to increase my therapy hours.
Yep. There's a little bit of good inside everybody.
And why don't we do something with our lives?
Learn a trade.
Start a business for roaches.
Maybe open a motel.
The future is ours for the taking, my fellow roaches.
Open your segmented eyes!
Ha, ha. Freaks.